LIfe and its kicks in the ass...

Well life has caught up to me again.. Its taking over and i cant stop it..

So over the last few months since this new year started, life has sucked.. But had its good days...
My idol. The women i looked up to. Admired. Passed away. She was strong. amazing. loving to anyone she met. She would tell you straight and didn't know any other way.  She taught me to never give up and to never forget that the shitty things that happen make us who we are.  I cant wait to show her all that ive come through.. I know she'll be so damn proud of me.
I love you Tazma... I will always love you...

At her happiest..LOL in ropes...

You will always be remember for that beauty inside you. I love you..


 After a serve battle with a horrible cancer, i lost my grandpa (non blood).  He was the hard core marine. Loving. Caring. Stoned. :-) Grandpa.. Yes he throw rocks. Yes he yelled. But he loved like no one i have ever seen before.. He was a wonderful Father to his three girls and his son that he lost to soon.  He was a great grandfather to his grandkids.. And a great husband to his wife.    He will be so truely missed.

                          OORAH!!!

 Rest in peace now.. Love you


  Im so glad March is over and i haven't lost anyone this month.  I thought i was gonna lose my Lola bug, but she pulled through. She is a strong fighter. She has kept making good prograse. She still isn't 100% but she is for sure a lot better then what she was..  She is my lola girl..
But i cant kept my mind from what could happen.  I just have to wait and see.  Time will tell where we go with her. I hate to say it but it might just end up with putting her down. I dont find it fair to keep her alive when this isn't the life i wanted for her. She is only 7 months old and this is not what she should have to go through.. I hurts me yes. But it is for her..

Most of you all know that this coming summer Chad will not be here. Yes i know its coming up faster then i thought it would. But its right around the corner..  I think im ready for it.. As for my mind being ready. HELL NO...  I just have so much going on i cant even think to go through all of it alone..  What if i have to put down lola all alone.. Even the thought of it makes me sick..  I cant do it..
I know im strong and i know i can make it through more then most but i  have feeling this year is gonna be my hardest.  Im gonna need my friends and family this year for sure.


Well Most of you all know that i have a lot of health problems.  Well they get worse.  They did a ultra sound on my chest. They found cysts (at least 30 in each breast) that could be cancerist.  Soooooo  I talked to a plastic surgeon today. Im hoping the military sees that i need this. I need to get this shit off my chest and move on with my life..  Also my doctor suggest i go up for the lapband.. Im thinking of doing it.. I know i can lose weight but i will always have weight issues in the future that i would like to get under control right now...  I want to run around with my kids...
Ill let you know more when i know if the military approves me for it or not... But as of right now im trying for it....


Well i bit of good news.  Captain Pine Cone is our newest member to the family... He is toy fox terrier... He is so uber cute... He is snuggling on my lap right now while im writing this... Soooo cute.. I love him...  He is  7 months old as well. He is so full of energy. I got him so lola could have a play mate.  So fatty Dannel could lose weight...LOL (still not happening..)  He fits prefect into our little family...  AND NO he is not a stupid Mexican rat dog... LOL

And i end with pictures of my new love...

I LOVE MY MINI FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Snowballin'

Well well well... Its been a while... Where to start...

Miss Lola.  Oh how much she has grown... She is a little shit for sure. She plays a lot better with the cats now. Dude still hasnt gotten the full understanding of she just wants to play... LOL  She has gotten potty training down to a pat.. (score). She walks into her crate with out fighting.. (another score).. She has stopped peeing in her crate.. (epic win there) and she has learned simple normal commands.. (yes i rock)..

As chad calls them now, The Double D's.. (Daniel and dude).. LOL   Daniel has became very clingy since the hubs is gone.. He always does.. it sucks.. he gets mad when i kick him out of the bedroom at  night.. haha  Dude, well is still dude.. stupid and smelly... I swear this cat's breath smells like something died in there... Can you brush cat's teeth.??

The Hubs.. well he is at sea right now... Ya, whats new.. lol For some reason  this underway is so much harder then i ever thought.   I wish he would just get home already.. few more weeks.. Lame yes but ill deal..


Now for the things i need to vent about.. 
Ok first off.. Lola is not the most common name for a dog.. In fact its not that common for people either... But who goes and names her dog Lola, (3 weeks after i do).. Brittany Yager.. Seriously!!!!  Just because i dont want you back in my life you have to make my life yours...  You cant even take care of your fucking kid let alone take care of a fucking dog... Its irrating.. Like you say you cant get a job.. You live in a fucking room in the back of the dance studio with your babys daddy.. THAT DOESNT EVEN LOVE YOU ANYMORE!!! Its funny how 3 weeks after i get my dog you get yours. You name it the same. You talk about her the same way i did on my facebook... But yet i deleted your ass..  So now i have to go delete everyone your friends with because they are passing my info along.. great!

Second, Friends.. Really if you say you are my friend then be there.. When i call to talk about something that is bothering me.. STOP talking about your fucking boy problems.. boy problems that can be easily fixed if you would pull your head out of your ass...  I love her to death.. i really do!! BUT after listening to the same bitching weeks in a row and you still dont take the advice.. Then just stop.. I called you to talk to you about something that was really under my skin and you turned the whole FUCKING convo to you and the boy... Like what happened to a friend just listening..  Have you asked me whats wrong with me lately.. Why i have been having a hard time while my husband is gone... Did you ever think to stop and ask me how my day is... No you dont..  I hate it.. I understand this will pass but i can only take this shit for so long..
I need a friend to talk to ... I hate always being the one everyone else turnes to and no one is there for me... I have problems too.. I have feelings too.. I need to vent too...  But 99.9% of the "friends" i have wont listen to me when i need it...
Example: A friend told me i could call her if i need to talk.. well i called her and she was so stoned she didnt even realize it was me...  Ok i have no problem smoking a bowl every blue moon but wtf... You could have just not answered and texted me and told me "hey im stoned and i dont want to not listen to you.. Call me tomorrow"... Simple.. easy and i would understand...  
Just kinda over begin everyone's fucking rug..  Im human too ya know..

Third....  I'm totally over feeling like shit... I want to feel pretty again.. I want to feel happy again.. I want to feel like me again... And i hate to say it but i think i might need meds to do that... Next week when i go in for my knee im going to talk to my doctor about some antidepressant meds..  I dont want to get addicted to them tho.. That's all im scared about... Wish there was another way but i know there isnt.. I'm gonna try counseling yes but i know that's not always gonna work...

And fourth.. I'm soooooOOOOO sick of the drama from my past keeps coming back... Ok i understand at one point i was best friends with this girl Country.. BUT things went south and now we hate each other..   She found me on facebook.. I dont know if she made it because of me but by what ive heard.. She wanted to fuck with me.. "cant wait to hear from you bitch"..  Now that doesn't sound like it was meant for me at all.. nope..  Whatever... I'm so irritated that she is back around but once again im not surprised... That is also why i had to shut everything down.. My facebook, twitter, and this... So she cant find it and read it... sucks i have to hide my life because of people like that.. But they just dont ever grow up..  Maybe one day.. but right now.. at 26 she still cant understand, Ive moved on and so should she...



My rant is over for now.. LOL Now i gotta get to bed before i fall asleep.. 

The Noodle in Me

Now this post is coming from my thoughts and past. Please don't judge me.

I have been looking around facebook and have seen a lot of military wive sites. Ive added a few here and there.. They understand my pain and know what im talking about. As i read through these sites and see all the many different posts, i see ones that just makes me so angry.  Military wives airing their dirty laundry. Ok yes ive done something similar but never flat out saying details.  Why would you tell a very public site that you husband beat you??  Why would you flat out OUT him like that??? And why in fucking gods name are you sitting there asking for advice when you KNOW you should leave his sorry ass.  He hits you once and stay because of the kids. He hits you twice and you think he is done. IF A MAN CAN HIT A WOMEN ONCE, HE CAN DO IT AGAIN!!!!.  I don't see why women don't get that.  

Now i can honestly tell you that yes, its hard to leave a man after her hits you. I had just turned 16 and with a guy for over a year and finally slept with him. I ended up getting pregnant. I told him. He went out and got high or drunk or something. Came back and since my aunt and uncle where out getting dinner he thought it was a good idea to kill the baby before it even starts... He beat me.. got me on the ground and beat the living shit out of me. I have a broken rib and my face was black and blue for 2 months. I knew there was a chance the kid was dead.. I wasn't that far along. But i figured he was just angry i "fucked up his life".. I stayed until i miscarried the child. I then knew i had nothing holding me to him but feelings. I sat there and thought about those feelings and if it was worth the pain in the end.. I vowed i would never end up like my mother.. I would never let a man hit me and me run back. Never ever.  So i left. I gave back the ring and everything he had ever gave me... I understand how it can feel to want to stay because you "love him" but  really and truly. There is no love when a man puts his hands on a women. No matter what!!.. 

So goes for cheating. Why tell the whole world that he is a dick and doesn't want fuck you anymore... Come one girls.. I understand we all need to vent but vent to someone in private or family or someone you really trust. But to vent to the public is like taking his name and forever marking it. In understand  men and women that cheat and hit should be punished but like that. No... Let them eat themselves alive on the inside because they know they hurt someone.. Let them live with that regret.  Its punishment enough knowing what they had is gone and they lost everything they ever worked for.  Speaking of work.. Don't you understand that the military does look at these sites. They look for this shit. Even if you didn't want him to get in trouble, well guess what. You fuck him either way.  Don't think im defending him or her in any way.. But my god people. Its annoying and irritating.. You give military wives a bad name. You make us look stupid and evil and always out to get out men. Makes the men look like dirty bags that cant help but hit us women.. and then we let them by staying with them. You let men do this because he hurt you, you staid, you showed him that no matter what he does. You wont leave.

So bottom line. For all those women out there that know you  man has cheated, cheating, or has the idea to cheat and you still stay. You get what you deserve. For all the women that are beaten over and over because you wont leave. Well you get what you deserve.

To touch on another Navy Wife topic. Well really and truly this whole "i know more then you because i ______"  really. Because your older, a officers wife(half of those stupid fucker don't know REAL NAVY anyways so fuck off), been to more bases, have more friends, been married to it longer....  OK someone that has been married to the Navy for 20 some years may know more then i do. But really, there isn't much i don't already know. Why? Because i ask my husband about things. I ask about his work. I want to know what he does. I want to know the way the ranking systems work. I want to understand what it is he does day in and day out.. WHY?? because i don't want to be that wife that stands their and looks stupid when the guys are talking.. I hate being that wife that knows nothing about what my husband works so hard for everyday.   So yes, i might know more then a wife that just got married a month ago. Or a booters wife because he doesn't even know everything yet. But im not gonna go out there and swear i know it all. Because i know i don't.  I talk about what i do know and leave it at that.