LIfe and its kicks in the ass...

Well life has caught up to me again.. Its taking over and i cant stop it..

So over the last few months since this new year started, life has sucked.. But had its good days...
My idol. The women i looked up to. Admired. Passed away. She was strong. amazing. loving to anyone she met. She would tell you straight and didn't know any other way.  She taught me to never give up and to never forget that the shitty things that happen make us who we are.  I cant wait to show her all that ive come through.. I know she'll be so damn proud of me.
I love you Tazma... I will always love you...

At her happiest..LOL in ropes...

You will always be remember for that beauty inside you. I love you..


 After a serve battle with a horrible cancer, i lost my grandpa (non blood).  He was the hard core marine. Loving. Caring. Stoned. :-) Grandpa.. Yes he throw rocks. Yes he yelled. But he loved like no one i have ever seen before.. He was a wonderful Father to his three girls and his son that he lost to soon.  He was a great grandfather to his grandkids.. And a great husband to his wife.    He will be so truely missed.

                          OORAH!!!

 Rest in peace now.. Love you


  Im so glad March is over and i haven't lost anyone this month.  I thought i was gonna lose my Lola bug, but she pulled through. She is a strong fighter. She has kept making good prograse. She still isn't 100% but she is for sure a lot better then what she was..  She is my lola girl..
But i cant kept my mind from what could happen.  I just have to wait and see.  Time will tell where we go with her. I hate to say it but it might just end up with putting her down. I dont find it fair to keep her alive when this isn't the life i wanted for her. She is only 7 months old and this is not what she should have to go through.. I hurts me yes. But it is for her..

Most of you all know that this coming summer Chad will not be here. Yes i know its coming up faster then i thought it would. But its right around the corner..  I think im ready for it.. As for my mind being ready. HELL NO...  I just have so much going on i cant even think to go through all of it alone..  What if i have to put down lola all alone.. Even the thought of it makes me sick..  I cant do it..
I know im strong and i know i can make it through more then most but i  have feeling this year is gonna be my hardest.  Im gonna need my friends and family this year for sure.


Well Most of you all know that i have a lot of health problems.  Well they get worse.  They did a ultra sound on my chest. They found cysts (at least 30 in each breast) that could be cancerist.  Soooooo  I talked to a plastic surgeon today. Im hoping the military sees that i need this. I need to get this shit off my chest and move on with my life..  Also my doctor suggest i go up for the lapband.. Im thinking of doing it.. I know i can lose weight but i will always have weight issues in the future that i would like to get under control right now...  I want to run around with my kids...
Ill let you know more when i know if the military approves me for it or not... But as of right now im trying for it....


Well i bit of good news.  Captain Pine Cone is our newest member to the family... He is toy fox terrier... He is so uber cute... He is snuggling on my lap right now while im writing this... Soooo cute.. I love him...  He is  7 months old as well. He is so full of energy. I got him so lola could have a play mate.  So fatty Dannel could lose weight...LOL (still not happening..)  He fits prefect into our little family...  AND NO he is not a stupid Mexican rat dog... LOL

And i end with pictures of my new love...

I LOVE MY MINI FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The new start

Alright then. A new blog. A new blog to tell you about the wonderful joys of my life. This is going swimmingly. lol 

So the reason i wanted to write this blog is because I want people to see me. The real me. with no edits about what i write or what i think.  Finally freedom. 

So about about my life(for anyone who doesn't know already). I am happily married to my best friend. To the sexiest Sailor i have ever meet, Chad. He is my rock and shoulder. He is my cigarette to my flapjack. My bong to his blintz. I love him with all my heart. I couldn't ask for anyone better in my life.  He is a United States Navy Sailor. We are station in San Diego, CA right now. I have been all the way over to Japan with him. Traveled and seen some wonderful things. I am glad we are back in CA (born and raised baby.. So~Cal for live!!!!!!!!!!!)  We have a little over 2 years late out here and then we have to chose where we go next. 

In  16 days will have been married for 3 years. I know that doesn't seem like long at all to you guys but to a Sailor and his Navy Wife it seems like forever.  I wont take back a minute of it though. I love growing with him and learning new things everyday. I love being able to kiss him and smell him and just touch him. Its something you don't realize you miss until its sitting in the middle of the ocean.  No kids(yet). I'm trying to get into college but the Navy is taking so freaking long to get the paperwork started its driving me bat shit crazy. I will get there one day.  I have really good friends in my life. Anna(best friend besides Chad). Love her to death. She gets me, she knows where im coming from even if no one else does, she understand that stupid shit i say and says loads herself. We get along great to put it easier. I care about her so much. I cant wait to meet her son Jack (jack jack). Then there is Rochelle. We meet in high school and even tho we lost touch for a few years we are still friends to this day. Love that girl.. She is a funny and slow (say that in a nice way) as i am. Love her..  That was just to name a few so now don't freak out.. I love all my friends.. just don't feel like breaking my hand naming you all.. so suck it..

Ok so i have come to realize that i was never fat, just thicker in some areas.. But now im just big. Like really big. Like i don't want to look in the mirror big. Yes i get it. "no Victoria your not fat" but really and truly people. I'm not skinny and im not huge so im just big ok. Yes i understand also that im the only one to blame and that can do anything about it. So guess what. I am.  I'm damned and determined to look good again.. If not "good" then better then what i am now. I want my husband to look at me and be like "damn". I want to be able to go shopping and not feel stupid every time i try on clothes.   I will be "skinny" again. I will do it all on my own. I will work hard and play even harder. I will not go cop out like everyone else and get plastic surgery to make myself look good.  Now don't get me wrong, i don't care if you have had plastic surgery im just saying if you wanna claim you being that skinny is by hard work... Fuck you. Don't go get tummy tucks and lipo and then say you "worked hard" Fuck you.  As i was saying. I'm gonna work hard and its gonna happen soon.  Just wish i had more support. Meaning as in getting up and going to the gym. I hate doing it at first and wont be the first to step up and say hey lets do this but once im there, im all for it. Just wanna kick chads ass in to gear to make him realize i need his support and he needs me too.. The boy needs to lose some pounds by June..  Just ready to have a work out buddy and a trainer is way to damn expensive these days.. 

Now please do go and chew my ass because i say that im big. First step to anything is admitting you have the problem. So first step complete. Next step, hard fucking work.