The Noodle in Me

Now this post is coming from my thoughts and past. Please don't judge me.

I have been looking around facebook and have seen a lot of military wive sites. Ive added a few here and there.. They understand my pain and know what im talking about. As i read through these sites and see all the many different posts, i see ones that just makes me so angry.  Military wives airing their dirty laundry. Ok yes ive done something similar but never flat out saying details.  Why would you tell a very public site that you husband beat you??  Why would you flat out OUT him like that??? And why in fucking gods name are you sitting there asking for advice when you KNOW you should leave his sorry ass.  He hits you once and stay because of the kids. He hits you twice and you think he is done. IF A MAN CAN HIT A WOMEN ONCE, HE CAN DO IT AGAIN!!!!.  I don't see why women don't get that.  

Now i can honestly tell you that yes, its hard to leave a man after her hits you. I had just turned 16 and with a guy for over a year and finally slept with him. I ended up getting pregnant. I told him. He went out and got high or drunk or something. Came back and since my aunt and uncle where out getting dinner he thought it was a good idea to kill the baby before it even starts... He beat me.. got me on the ground and beat the living shit out of me. I have a broken rib and my face was black and blue for 2 months. I knew there was a chance the kid was dead.. I wasn't that far along. But i figured he was just angry i "fucked up his life".. I stayed until i miscarried the child. I then knew i had nothing holding me to him but feelings. I sat there and thought about those feelings and if it was worth the pain in the end.. I vowed i would never end up like my mother.. I would never let a man hit me and me run back. Never ever.  So i left. I gave back the ring and everything he had ever gave me... I understand how it can feel to want to stay because you "love him" but  really and truly. There is no love when a man puts his hands on a women. No matter what!!.. 

So goes for cheating. Why tell the whole world that he is a dick and doesn't want fuck you anymore... Come one girls.. I understand we all need to vent but vent to someone in private or family or someone you really trust. But to vent to the public is like taking his name and forever marking it. In understand  men and women that cheat and hit should be punished but like that. No... Let them eat themselves alive on the inside because they know they hurt someone.. Let them live with that regret.  Its punishment enough knowing what they had is gone and they lost everything they ever worked for.  Speaking of work.. Don't you understand that the military does look at these sites. They look for this shit. Even if you didn't want him to get in trouble, well guess what. You fuck him either way.  Don't think im defending him or her in any way.. But my god people. Its annoying and irritating.. You give military wives a bad name. You make us look stupid and evil and always out to get out men. Makes the men look like dirty bags that cant help but hit us women.. and then we let them by staying with them. You let men do this because he hurt you, you staid, you showed him that no matter what he does. You wont leave.

So bottom line. For all those women out there that know you  man has cheated, cheating, or has the idea to cheat and you still stay. You get what you deserve. For all the women that are beaten over and over because you wont leave. Well you get what you deserve.

To touch on another Navy Wife topic. Well really and truly this whole "i know more then you because i ______"  really. Because your older, a officers wife(half of those stupid fucker don't know REAL NAVY anyways so fuck off), been to more bases, have more friends, been married to it longer....  OK someone that has been married to the Navy for 20 some years may know more then i do. But really, there isn't much i don't already know. Why? Because i ask my husband about things. I ask about his work. I want to know what he does. I want to know the way the ranking systems work. I want to understand what it is he does day in and day out.. WHY?? because i don't want to be that wife that stands their and looks stupid when the guys are talking.. I hate being that wife that knows nothing about what my husband works so hard for everyday.   So yes, i might know more then a wife that just got married a month ago. Or a booters wife because he doesn't even know everything yet. But im not gonna go out there and swear i know it all. Because i know i don't.  I talk about what i do know and leave it at that.

Goodbye Old friend. Goodbye.

Ok so knowing someone you called a friend for so damn long, went behind your back and talked shit publicly.. ( more then once). And then in a drunk fit. texts you at 2:30 in the fucking morning saying they are sorry and want you to forgive them and to move on from this. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?!?!  

The fucking first time you talked shit i stopped talking to you. I wasn't fake. I dropped you out of my life right then and there.... I don't need fucking stupid people in my life.

 Ok.. what i did was not wrong. I was looking out for the child she has. That poor baby has nothing to do with any of this bullshit she puts him in. He cants say how he feels..  Did i talk shit about her NO!!.  Did i tell baby daddy because i hate her.. NO!!  I don't care if you are my best friend in the whole wide world and you are putting a child in danger then fuck you.. I'm gonna step in an say something to try and get that kid out of there... Hey i didn't call CPS did i?? No so fucking be grateful dammit..   And that "friend" you think you have... Well guess what, she is the bitch that was talking shit. She was the one calling you a bad mother. IN FRONT of black guy and beaner so i am not the only one that hear it...  your "friend" told me to call CPS.. but i didn't.. So  why don't you go call her a shit talking bitch... Ya you know who you are...   And when i call you BOTH druggies... that's what i meant... When you cant wait for your son to go to sleep until you HAVE to smoke a fucking bowl.. REALLY!!!   and who the fuck carries drugs around with them to sell them when you know your 2 year old is on your hip..  That's like asking the cops to arrest you and take your kid away... "hi I'm smart"  And when i call that "friend" of yours a druggie ... SHE HAS A PROBLEM... and even her family fucking knows it... when she can down a bottle of 20 pills in 2 days... Um well now let me see... I don't think that is a druggie no... never...  Are you fucking kidding me... 

To top off all of this you think we are gonna "work this out sooner then later".. Really??  Am i supposed to just forget you talked shit about me. Am i supposed to sit there and be your best fucking friend all over again  just because you said you were sorry... 2 FUCKING MONTHS AFTER IT ALL HAPPENED!!!!  No its not fucking happening.

I don't need people in my life that think they can just walk all over me.. If you pulled your head out of the drugs and the booze then maybe you would realize that guess what.. You have a good life if you just worked a little harder for it.  

Whats so sad is with me being a navy wife, its not easy to find a "real good" friend.. I HAD a real good friend in you. You knew me like no one else. We went through things together that brings people together... You throw that all away because you couldn't see i was being a friend. A friend that was looking out for your child when you weren't in the right mind too..  I was being the responsible adult in a childish situation..  Does it hurt that i lost a good friend to drugs.. Yes.. You cant stop the drugs long enough to see whats going around you.  Now OK. yes i used to be a really really big pot head... And every now and again i will smoke pot when im in the mood for it. The last time i smoked pot was in Feb. and that was in Vegas so i could sleep so i could party later that night. Is it something i need. No.. something i like once in a blue moon. yay.. But am i a druggie that needs/does it every day to live and get by.. NO... Now don't get me wrong. I have friends that smoke butt loads of pot. But will they do it in front of kids. NO.. Do they get up and go to work. YES... do they take care of what they need to take care of before going and hit that bong. YES!!!. That is called being responsible... 

So finish my mild little blow up here...  Think before you act. And if someone does something you think is wrong and hurts you. Why not go to THEM and confront the problem head on. Talking shit behind someones back is gonna  make you look like the fool and in the end , loss friends.  So think before you act. Look at things in someone Else's eyes. Maybe you will see that they were only trying to help.

A update in the life

Life goes on right.  Well life is getting better and better. I will find out in the next few days if i have a job. Chad is finally car-pooling with a friend so i can have the car. Its so oober annoying that im stuck home everyday. I understand i did it for so long but now i cant stand it. I need to be active. I need to do something and what better way is to work and help out..lol  Help pay all the things for our new puppy.. YES!!!!!  I'm so excited. Its gonna be a boxer lab mix. I am going to pick up a gate tomorrow and the cage from my mom.  So in the next couple of weeks Chad and I get to bust our ass to finally get the back yard in order.... Hopefully this coming pay day replace the gate on the side of the house so she cant get out... I have to also find a cage for the back corner so when im gone or need her outside i can... 

I'm excited for the cats to finally have a playmate that doesn't just sleep 24/7... I'm kinda scared tho that Dude is not gonna get along. Daniel is going to be pissed at first and then he will get over it but Dude.. I don't think he knows what  a dog is and how to act around one... lol.. We will see tho.. a couple of days and they will learn to love each other... (i hope)..  

Daniel and Dude are now snuggling with each other... cleaning and licking each other so im happy that they are getting along so well for such a short period of time... I think because Daniel had to live with me at  Dougies house that he got used to so many different things around all the time.. Lizards, snakes, other big big dogs, fish, cats... I just hope dude doesn't have a shit fit...  

On the last but best note of the night... I found out he will be leaving a little later then we thought.. Soooo excited... the longer with him the better... But never the less.. Next year is gonna suck a lot.. But all in all i know im a strong women and i know i can make it through. I know that no matter what i will pull through. The new tool set im getting and Google will be my new best friends...  LOL   Lets just pray not so many things break so i don't have to use them that much but you know what i mean...lol..

So off to make memories...