clueless wonder

When is enough enough. When do you give in or give up. Some many people come to this point in their life where they dont know which was up or not. i wish no one ever hadto come to this point. you give your all and its still not good enough. You push your self to that point where you become "that" person.. i wish it wasnt so.
Now the question is, where to go from here. What path do you take to get you where your going. i reallywish i knew that answer. Anyone have it?  Is it walk away and take space. Is it stay and hope for thebest? What if that hope is gone? What if the changes only last ao long? What if they are not the changes you need? Whats next?
I gave myself a promise that i would never be my mother. I would never become the person like her. Im trying my damnest to not right now but my heart hurts. I am tryig to stay strong and make it work but what happens when that work is one sided? What do i do when i know its never going to change? When my hopes have been taken and chattered to little pieces? I wish it wasnt so.
Ive always been a strong person but my strong has become very limp. I want my strong back. I know the easy way to get it back but i dont like that easy way.. I know it seems like the easy way out but my heart would totally not agree. My heart hurts in ways i never thought it could. I wish it wasnt so.
Im not perfect in all of this and i willingly admit that but i also know that my effort was not matched. Is more effort to much to ask for? Is it to much to ask for to not be treated like im invisable? Is it to much to ask to be shown respect? Apperacted? Loved? Cared about? My feelings considered?  when is that to much to ask for?
I heard today that when we spend to much time in the deapperatcion box that we can sometimes be called "Clueless wonders". I know for a fact im not. Im far from it. I may have my issues and i may have my problems but im not a clueless wonder.
I have never been that women to give up and Im not saying  i am. a break is whats needed. To give up is to fail. I don't fail very well. I have put to much into this to fail now. But some times people need to step back and see what the they really have before taking it for grantie. I wish it wasnt so
The fear of whats gonna happen next is there. I hate the fear of the unknown but i cant think like that. I need to do whats right right now. Right now i need to space. I can only hope or dream, wish, pray that when and if i return that it can be better. It can be everything every little girl dreams about all her life. I can only dream, wish, pray that it never gets to this point again. To the point of so much hurt.
You cant make anyone say, want, do, love, hate a single thing in this world. But you can only dream, wish, pray that they do say the right things. Want you. Do for you and only you. Love you the way you deserve. Hate this hurt as much as you do. I can only hope dream wish and pray.
Now with my heart on my sleeve im going to do what i think is right right now. Im going to hurt myself to hopefully make things better. Hurt by walking out that door and prayong youll let me back in one day. Again i wish it wasnt so.